I Can't Believe My Heart
by LaurrentteXY
Summary: Jacob thought he could block his feelings away but things eventually changed for him.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight nor make any profit out of this. **

**Jacob's POV**

That was it. I had enough. I could not get through anymore heartbreak. My heart had been shattered, toyed and cheated many time over and over thus somehow, I felt cold in my heart. The warmth in some way lost. It was last week when Sam decided to break up with me. He chose my best friend over me. What a world, what a world. _Where loyalty lies in this world nowadays? _When he left me there in the cold, I thought my world had ended but I knew better than to let myself down. Besides, my past relationships had thought me many, mainly, to stay strong.

I went up to visit my best friend, Seth, for our usual strolling down the beach but my presence was not welcome when Seth told me not to come see him always unless it was something serious aside from patrolling the area. Sam was being ridiculous with his restrictions on me with Seth. That was totally absurd. He was my best friend. I remembered the time Sam told me that love was like an adventure of great treasure. I always thought of what he meant by that and now I realized it. The treasure Sam found was Seth, his true mate. Being with me was just like test drive to him.

How I felt pity of myself to think he had imprinted on me. I should have known better. Seth dismissed himself into the house as Sam called, as if in needing of him. He apologized to me and I guessed I could understand how he should comply with his mate order. Unfortunately for me, I never really felt how love really felt or supposed to, even though I've been into relationships before. I sighed and walked down the porch and slowly dragged my miserable butt home.

As I walked pass the woods, Paul, Embry and Quil spotted me as they ran towards my direction. They could sense my depressing emotions washed all over me and they all quite aware of what happened so they tried to cheer me up, putting up smiles on their faces. I refused when they asked if would like to join them training. Paul requested the rest to push on with their training and follow me to wherever I was going. Not that I knew. He was slow behind me, close but not far. My intuition felt his eyes were on me so I decided to slow down as well. He stopped and asked, "Something wrong?"

He looked up to me for a brief moment before I continue walking and said, "Nothing." After what felt like hours of walking, we ended up reaching the beach. The sun was nearly set. I could stare out into the open sea and watch as the sun sink beyond the horizon. My legs were tired so I walked to the fallen tree trunk near the shore and sat on the edge where it was dry. Paul joined afterwards, sitting inches away from me. Facing the sea, salty air blew gently in my face, sending the air around me. I pulled in my legs to my chests and locked it with my arms wrapped firmly around, having my chin rested on my knee.

I liked to sit on the beach, the sea, the sand, the birds, and the warmth of the sun was like a complete symphony of calmness within my very being. Peace filled my heart as I listen to the crashing waves upon the shore. The sand was warm under the palm of my feet. I dug in my feet and squished the sand between my toes. He was being quiet. It was not Paul's normal self to be quiet around me. Usually, he was the talkative one. His attention was at his finger as he lazily trailed it along the sand. Something definitely was bothering him.

"Jake." His mouth was half opened, trying to gather the words.

"Hmm?" I hummed in response as I lifted my head to turn.

"Am I not good enough for you?" Paul slowly brought his eyes to meet mine. His words got me lost and I was speechless. What was I supposed to say to that? My mind brought me back to when he first started to approach me and getting to know each other. When I needed something, he would be there. He was there first to lend me his shoulder when I was sad. I felt like a jerk not to appreciate him. Paul was always there for me in time of needs and I did not even see it. He cared for me. I even ran to his place and looked for him to find comfort in his arm the time Sam broke my heart. I could almost feel myself trembled. "Why do you never return my love?"

"Paul…" My words trailed off and my head could not even think the best answer for it. I averted my eyes from him. I began questioning myself. Had I ever felt anything for him whenever he was with me? Never had I really open my heart to him because all this time, I always acknowledge him as a big brother to me and nothing more than that. I could not feel the same for him. "I…"

I was stuttering. Then, I felt a warm touch on my right cheek as the hand made me turn to face Paul. I yield to the soft affection of his touch as he extended his head to kiss my lips. My eyes widened and all I did was just frozen there. The kiss was deep and sensual. The feeling was shorten till broke the kiss and rested his forehead against mine. His breathing was heavy. I laid my eyes on his chests and he started to look enticing enough. I let my finger lingered down his chests and lustful thought began to form in my mind.

He took noticed of my arousing desire and began working his hand down to my jean. I realized he was going to quick. My body wanted him but my mind said it was wrong. I had to do something before things could get out of hand. Plus, my heart was still _grieving_. I looked away from him and got up. "Sorry, Paul. I can't do this. Not now."

"Jake, wait." Paul quickly stood and grabbed my arm. "I'm sorry if I went to fast on you. We could go slowly if you want to."

I jerked my arms from him. I could not stay there any longer so I dashed off from him. I needed some time alone to think. _I'm sorry, Paul._

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


End file.
